• hair spray •

“They say, ‘Don’t use hair spray,
it’s bad for the ozone.’
So I’m sitting in this
concealed (sic) apartment,
this concealed (sic) unit…
It’s sealed, it’s beautiful.
I don’t think anything gets out.
And I’m not supposed to be
using hair spray?”
Is it true, can it be?
That this,
coiffed kumquat,
this preening peacock,
this ham-handed,
hairdooed harlequin,
has, somehow,
been put in charge,
of the
… Presidency? Please.
Somebody ‘wake me.
~ Tim Burchfield


• in theory •

Self-aggrandizement, deflection of responsibility, blame shifting, obfuscation, and chronic obscurantism are classic symptoms of a narcissistic personality disorder. A man (in fairness, all things being equal, this could just as easily be a woman – no, really) with this condition is frequently hampered in situations involving – and, too often, to one degree or another, is found to be completely incapable of – compassion, empathy, emotional stability, consistency of thought or sustained and rational problem solving. Paranoia is almost always an accompanying presentation. Further, given sufficient power and authority, such a person is capable of any forced action, of rationalizing persecutions upon ‘outed’ groups, of deliberately undermining essential infrastructure, and/or any number of established policies, in addition to an unswerving willingness to commit any injustice or atrocity deemed ‘necessary’, all, without any self-doubt, or debilitating ‘pangs’ of conscience.
Now, if a people were to find themselves ‘ruled’, by such an individual, it might well be very worrying indeed. Of course, one could only hope, then, that the ‘checks and balances’ built into a form of governance by the wisdom of a thoughtful group of far-sighted ‘Founding Fathers’ would, be, in theory, at least, sufficient to save (said nation) from the clear and present danger afforded by such an appalling predicament. Would it not then be for these faithful to remain hopeful that the commitment, strengths, and courage of a competent, diligent, and united ,’We the People’, would sustain them through to a positive outcome? In such a case, I would, most definitely, unequivocally be, and, most of all, theoretically, thereafter, remain in their ‘corner’, to my dying day.
Whew! That was a close one.
Kinda scary, I’d say.
Good thing this is all, ‘theoretical’, eh?
~ Tim Burchfield


• precipitation proclamation •

Due to possible
inclement weather
(somewhere), the latest
Presidential edict introduces
ninety day ban on snowflakes.
~ Tim Burchfield