• on ‘the other’ in me •

Such an interesting article. I also live with depressive states, and almost word for word, can identify with the descriptions of how it feels. I still go through it, but once I discovered my ‘other’, and became a friend, an advocate, a soother-listener-protector to that child-like, super-sensitive, super-creative, intuitive (did I mention ‘child-like’, oh, yes I did…) ‘entity’, which resides, side-by-side, inside of me (but speaks only in dreams, and emotions, and whispers to me in musical phrasings, and compulsions, and desires, and cravings – basically, all of the so-called, ‘id’ stuff), and learned how to take the time to really ‘be’ with this ‘other’ and talk to him/her/it rationally, to commiserate, and to listen – really listen – and to make plans, and provisions, and promises – to make things better for he/she/it (and too, to really work to keep those promises, at least a little every day), then, slowly, but surely, I came not only to understand that these ‘waves’ of ‘depression’ are really the feelings of despair and hopelessness that any normal person would feel, if he/she/it had no ‘voice’, no power to affect change, no acknowledgement, and felt no appreciation (and little love), but that there is never any reason to feel ‘lonely’, because (if this is a real ‘state of being’ – and I am convinced that it is), one is never alone, and that the process of ‘loving’ really does, start with you/me, see? (Does this make sense/can you ‘relate’?) Hand to heart, this has been a true ‘revelation’, and a life-changing epiphany, for me. It has been about six years since I came to this awareness, and my progress has been substantial and continual, and empowering (happily).
This is the basis of my own particular ‘bi-cameral mind’ hypothesis. I really should write a book on the subject. What do you think, friends? Here is the article.
On depression: What you should know if you love someone with high-functioning depression:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/love-high-functioning-depression_us_591b3519e4b07d5f6ba6af00

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• cave diving •

We all get depressed sometimes.
There’s no shame in it:
In point of fact, it may be best
To have plumbed the complexity
And profundity of thought,
To once again stumble into the quagmires,
Of one’s old haunts and fears:
To grapple with the thorny tendrils,
Of loss,
The bloody barbs of negativity,
To be filled with the lack of understanding
and drained by the lack of will,
to sit and sit in stillness –
To hear no sound,
to know no clocks that tick time forward,
to have no sense
Of how things get the way they can do:
To learn to deal with absence
And forced abstinence
due to circumstance.
Of the missing in multiples
Of a loved one or ones and twos,
Or of just the love that once was
With them still just there beside you:
When you can’t be filled
By food
Or wealth,
Or things things things;
Or, in a philosophical bent:
Of the dearth of meaning,
Of feeling useless,
Or undervalued
Even to yourself
To be so imbued with emptiness
Of dearth:
A cave dweller –
Anonymous,
Discomfort itself, in skin.
At such times, as this,
Are we not adventurers?
Dicoverers? Explorers?
Delvers? Divers of diverse diversity,
From the University of experience?

Who is better qualified?
Who knows the dark places
Better than we,
Who better, of their usefulness?
Who better, of the knowing of
Where the treasure is hid, therein?
Who, where be, the troves of compassion, hid, than we?
Of the upwellings of humanity,
of kindness, of understanding,
from secret streams of clarity,
of the universal plights
through which we all must,
from time to time,
live?
The cave divers.
We do.

We who emerge, bearing gifts
Formed in the dark,
Under heat, and pressure .
We do.

Cave diving the subterranean
Ventricles of the human heart,
Its eddies and streams,
Its lightless underground rivers,
Its undercurrents,
Its blind turns and fissures,
Its inexplicable fauna,
Its extremes:
Who better
to do the necessary surgeries, on ourselves,
than we?

So often we come out on the other side of such explorations,
better.
Better equipped, to deal
with simple
stable reality:
Girded in unexpectation
Gilded with humility,
Clothed in cool compassion’s giving nature – giving, then,
again and again and again.

To go into the darkness
And come out laughing!
Better prepared in every way
To be a friend to Man.
To be a friend to Man –
Qualified to tell
the Story of Humanity
for the good of humanity:
To be the Storyteller,
with a plan.
That is the justification, and its end,
And it may be true, too.
In any case,
We delve.
~ Tim Burchfield
2/28/14

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