• pod people •

Had a close family relative touting the argument for ‘moral equivalency’ between the ‘combatants’ of Charlottesville, who became irate when I scoffed at her statement that ‘both sides were equally culpable for the violence’, as if she were owed the respect due her position in the family, with a free pass to spout any Trumped up malarkey CliffsNoted direct from Limbaughland, Hannityville, and GlenBeckistan.
I’m sorry, but all opinions are not equal.
Last I checked, it wasn’t anti-racist counter-demonstrators who were to be found assembled in battle gear on the streets of Charlottesville, shouting racial epithets and wading into crowds of placard-carrying people wielding bats at bellies and clubs at heads. Last I heard, it wasn’t NeoNazis, or white supremacists being mowed down by vehicles in the streets, friend. You know who uses the argument of shifting blame to victims? Rapists. And those who defend rape. “She had it comin’.”
Huh, not in my house, pal.
There is no moral equivalency.
I can’t bring myself to hate the person, but I can damn’ well hate the speech.
You can believe any laughable nonsense you want, it’s your right to be wrong and to spew spurious invectives and blatant balderdash in front of me. I have a sense of humor like you wouldn’t believe, and a twisted sense of irony, so I’ll be okay. Of course, if you then see me looking at you like a ‘pod-person’ emerging from a cocoon of slimy repugnance, (Jim or Jane) well just know that I have ‘pegged’ you. Oh, snap, you did not just say that…something craven this way comes.
You can parade your naked ignorance all you like, sweetie, beat your drum, start a jingo-driven all brass band, it’s all one to me – but do me a favor, will you? Not in front of the dogs, okay?
~ Tim Burchfield
8/19/17

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• bob’s tail •

This, ‘fake news’, has got to stop.
Okay, people, listen up:
It’s, “Bells on Bob’s tail ring,”
not, “Bells on Bobtail ring,”
not, “bobtails ring,”
nor, “bobbed tail ring.”
And most definitely not,
“Belson Bobtellering,”
or any other thing.

Bob is the horse.
He pulls the sleigh.
Bob has a tail.
That tail has bells on,
which is attached
to the aforementioned Bob, okay?
Those bells, Bob’s bells,
yes, those very, ‘jingle bells’:
It is they that ring.
So please, bear that in mind,
should you go, a’caroling.
~ Tim Burchfield
12/22/16

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• re: the d •

Seldom have I seen, in a man
(especially, in one who aspires
to the highest office in the land),
such a blatant disregard
for the feelings of women
and unconscionable, universal
cultural insensitivity,
or, as my ‘kid sister’ used to say,
in her inimitable way:
“What a weenie!”
~ Tim Burchfield
10/10/16